No one said twas going to be easy...

So yes the journey has been difficult and many a times I felt like quitting... I found myself questioning my beliefs… Wondering why my Lord had forsaken me… Was tempted to stop believing in the promises, but I am so glad I have stuck it out this far... Coz all in all I know totally believe that we serve a faithful God who is more than true to his word… I know I have not yet reached my destination but I can see the light at the end of the light…

I can already feel the warmth of the sunbeams… This warmth ignites mixed feelings within me… Feelings of regret and happiness… Regret because I realize that I could have learnt more during the trying period had I not spent too much time complaining about my situation… If only I had trusted more in God and enjoyed this season which is about to end fully... But I am still grateful for all I have learnt... Next time I will be more equipped and I will even grow more and become a better person...

Always remember that

**We serve a God who is faithful, He will never fail

When we are  in the desert, He's a river of hope

We serve a God who is faithful, His faithfulness prevails

We should put all our trust in the Lord.

We serve a God who is faithful & true

We shoul hide in the shelther of His wings

For we find rest in His faithfulness

Yes we serve a faithful God

No matter what this life can bring

Heartache & pain

Through it all  turn to Him

And call out His Name**

Just had to share this!!!

Quote of the Day:

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together...but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.” ~Bob Marley

The Single Woman Says:

This is one of my very favorite quotes, and it never fails to make me smile. Why? Because it meets me right where I’m at, and in the simplest and most beautiful of ways, reminds me that there IS someone out there who will love me just as I am, flaws and all.

As women, we are pulled in a million different directions every single day. We struggle with a million different insecurities every single day. We go to battle with our curling irons and our fussy kids and deadlines and traffic. We wish our hair could be as perfect as the girl who sits in the cubicle next to us, and we gaze down at our chipped nail polish with regret and embarrassment that our bank account is on life support this week and that the mani/pedi we planned to get will have to wait til next week.

We bravely face the day with our best “Single and Fabulous” smile…yet lie awake some nights in the silence of our rooms, wondering if our love will ever arrive. If we’ll ever be the bride and not the bridesmaid. If we’ll ever get to walk down the aisle to the man of our dreams…or if Happily Ever After is as impossible as it seems.

We are FAR from perfect…but we hope that someday, someone will fall in love with our imperfections…messy house, empty refrigerator, unbalanced checkbook and all.

Fellas – Remember next time you see that flustered girl on the subway who realized three stops too late that she’s on the wrong train, or the overwhelmed girl at the auto repair shop who doesn’t know spark plugs from brake pads, or the seemingly confident girl giving a presentation to a roomful of high-powered execs while desperately trying to conceal her shaking hands…

Underneath it all is a woman who dreams of falling in love.

And try to look past the chipped nail polish and the bad hair day and the shaky hands to the beautiful heart.

Because at the end of the day, I’m just a girl that loves herself too much to be standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her…but I hope he will, anyway.

http://thesinglewoman.net/article/236

September Equinox

Well I know we celebrated spring day on the 1st of september... But I will still looking forward to today because according to my geography teacher spring theoratically begins on this day. Besides today being the first day of spring according to my Geo teacher there is something extra special about it... Wait for it, there are supposed to be 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of darkness...Plus if you stay close to the equator the sun was supposed to have risen at 6 and then it will set at 6... Although I live far from the equator (close to the tropic of capricon) I was up just before 6, was waiting for the sun to rise so that I could start counting the number of hours we are going to have.. I felt like a little Einstein standing on my balcony, stop watch and  notepad ... Guess what the sky was overcast *sad face*... I said a little prayer asking the Lord to clear the sky... Waited hoping the Lord would instantly answer my prayers... After 15 minutes I decided to get ready for work... At every chance I got I was looking out the window hoping that the clouds had cleared... Bt still the sky was overcast... Now as I am sitting at my desk I cn see that the sky is beginning to clear slowly...

Even though things ddnt turn up as planned... I am still going to enjoy today fully... To add to that I am going to paint jozi red with my girls (we have the opportunity to play catch up with a friend we last saw almost a decade ago)...

Enjoy the new season!!!

5 months on and I still cant believe you are gone....

You left without saying goodbye...
Left before we had we had done all we had said we would...
Left me with just memories...
You even took our son with :-(
It still hurts a lot, deleted your number coz I am always tempted to call...
Somehow I am still in denial...
I still hope someone will wake me from this terrible dream...
I know it has been over 5 months but I am still to come to terms with your sudden departure...
The Lord took you away when I still needed you, we still had so much to do...
Will always miss you... your memory lives on!!!

Respect

Why do we respect the people we respect??? Have they done anything to earn our respect??? Do we respect them just because we hv to??? Is that respect...

On the other hand why do we disrespect others??? Hv they done anything to lose our respect??? Do we disrespect them be because their poor, uneducated or they r in a social class below us???

I like this Bhudda quote "You should respect each other and refrain from disputes; you should not, like water and oil, repel each other, but should, like milk and water, mingle together.”"



One Thing I Don’t Need/Sorry » poem by Ntozake Shange

one thing i don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry

i am simply tired
of collectin
i didnt know
i was so important toyou
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say yr sorry
call somebody
else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how could i know about that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/ i’m gonna soothe mine

you were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
well
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it

i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability & close talk
& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself

Somebody almost walked away wid alla my stuff

Finally watched For coloured girls.... Totally inspiring, t had me in tears... Go out and buy/rent it if you hv not watched it... Below is one of the poems by Ntozakhe Shange which is featured in the film....

Somebody tried to walk away with alla my stuff
Expected me to sit there, smile sweetly, and just GIVE them alla my stuff
Figured since they'd done it time and again, it would be as easy as pie
Ha! Little did they know they had another thing comin'

Somebody tried to walk away with alla my stuff
But THIS time, I chased them down that street and beat them on the head
Latched my non-existent claws into their shoulders and hang on for dear life
Balled my fists into sledgehammers and hammer away I did
For the first time, second, and oh for thinkn' there would be a third

Somebody tried to walk away with alla my stuff
And now I'm sittin' on the floor of this jail, with nothin' else BUT my stuff
My memories, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my shoulda-coulda-wouldas, ALL of it
My notions, my judgments, my naivety, my experience, my love, my hate, my sorrow, my joy
And for the first time ever, my cruel, undeniable, in-your-face truth

Somebody tried to walk away with alla my stuff
And now they a-nursin' in the clinic while I have the last laugh
Never did I know I could swing such a punch until they freakin' tried to take all my shit!
And yes, I'll probably lose it all before the darn trial is over
But damn, it never felt so good to whop an ass for tryna walk away with alla my stuff!

Accepting

And the birthday award goes to

Vee Gura... I know Vee is the one who is supposed to say the thank you speech but I will have to say this one for her... I know she will forgive me  but if she doesnt I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her...

Where to start??? Well I have known Vee for more than 18 years, dont remember how we met *covers face*... One of my earliest memories of the two of us in action is of a time when we were the only 2 pple in our age group who cud speak english fluently... We used to say big words which meant nothing and pretend they were the nastiest things one could say to someone (esp an enemy)... Soon everyone caught on...


After that phase came the times when I always wanted to be on the same side with Vee coz she was a great athlete and almost all the games we played were desinged for someone with great athletic skills...
Vee do you remember the raka raka days??? Or the songs we used to sing when we skipped #ChristopherColumbus... How about the hop scotch song "Chikoko kusvotesa vasina..."? How I wish we cud go back to those days even if it will just be for an hour...





Let us fast forwad to the phase when we were separated *sad face*... I blame this on my parents who were nomads and are still are to some extent... I didn't even get a chance to say good bye... For a numbers of years I prayed for our paths to cross... Finally our cyber paths crossed thanks to Facebook... In no time we in tune again, twas as if we were never separated... I only wish for one thing now that we do spend some time in person, so we get to experience stuff at the same time...

Finally I get to the birthday wishes, thank you for being patient with me... For some unknown reason I dont remember ever making you paper cards or anything along those lines... Was I such a bad friend??? I do remember always posting a msg on your fb wall ever since we got reconnected... This year I will raise a yucky fruit smoothie in your honour... When you do come to visit we will have proper pink drinks... I  promise... I know you have been hving a "mid life" crisis at 23.99, stop stressing hun... There is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3)... Your time to shine is around the corner...

 I pray God makes all your dreams come true!!! May you have an awesome day my friend... Always know that you have a friend in me even though we are miles apart!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VULNAVIA GURA!!!

Love like a child

⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
*sigh*

Of late I have been keeping records of wrongs... I so want to go back to loving like a child, you know when you are naive and innocent... When you easily trust and easily forgive... When you forget easily and you are always smiling even after someone has hurt... When you have an uninhibited true love that cant be disguised by expressions... When you have no hidden motives just open honesty...

So I am looking for that child that still resides within my heart.  It's said that PERFECT LOVE CASTS FEAR OUTSIDE, so I will be complete in love like God above, who cares for you and me!!!

Lies we tell...

According to Gregory House everybody lies...

But do we ever take a moment or two to think of the consequences of our lies... That lie we say in order to get out of a date or awkard moment...

A week ago someone close to me was lied to... Her father called her to tell her that he had just been admitted to the hospital because he had suffered a minor stroke... She started crying and was depressed for the remainder of the day... The father finally showed up later that evening totally drunk... She later discovered that her father had been spotted in some city having beers with his friends... Apparently he had lied because he was trying to avoid a family meeting... Was avoiding a family meeting worth putting his daughter thru all that pain???

Reincarnation of MR BIG!!!

A few months ago,I said goodbye to my Mr Big... After a year of an on and off relationship which was going nowhere, because Mr Big wasn't really available .. I finally put an end to the relationship which had ended years ago but I had been in denial... Mr Big had somehow turned into an imaginary boyfriend and was stopping me from getting into meaningful relationships which were real...

Finally I felt ready for a relationship, so I decided to wear my dating shoes which I had somehow hanged while "dating" Mr Big... But somehow I feel like the person I chose has too many Mr Big tendencies... Is it that Mr Big's spirit is chasing after me and has somehow reincarnated itself in this new guy??? Or maybe I am just overanalysing things...

Spring!!!

Grew up in a part of the world where they only had two seasons, that is the hot season and the rainy season... So when I moved here and I found out that they experience all 4 seasons I was so excited!!! For the first time autumn and spring would not be things of my imagination based on all the books I have read and movies I have watched... I am still big on spring such that I wore a bright yellow dress on spring day...

Spring to me symbolises the end of a gloomy dark and sad season (winter)... Everything comes to life in spring, the grass, the flowers and the trees... On a "personal" note, spring is a time I get to rewrite my goals, I get a chance to make new beginnings... Get over that person who broke my heart or maybe start a new relationship... This spring aint any different... I am going to grow in many areas this spring and hopefully that will come with new meaningful relationships... Unfortunately I ddnt get to lose all the excess weight before this beautiful season started, but I promise 2012 will see me with no excess weight...